The Youth Retreat House for the Roman Catholic Diocese of Leeds

 

REFLECTIONS OF A COUNTRY PRIEST

 

Producing a calendar about priests has provoked me to think about my life as a priest and whether I could actually suggest that this might be a good life for any of you young blokes who are reading this.  That’s an irony because the calendar is supposed to provoke you not me; damn it, I’ve become a priest; I’m home and dry, surely?  Well no, clearly.  On-going reflection is part of this gig.  It’s like pulling off another layer of an onion and finding more underneath.  That’s what happens to me: I just keep finding more and more to think about.  I don’t get frustrated by that either.  Rather, I find it really exciting: getting to know me, getting to know all about me… 

 

When I was ordained I was relieved to hear that I was not going to be chaplain to any high schools.  As far as I was concerned I didn’t have the patience/understanding/skills/resources… you name it, I didn’t have it.  If you had told me on that day that I would eventually become the Director of the Youth Retreat Centre I would have either laughed in your face or fainted on the spot.   Now, I love working with young people in Myddelton Grange. So how/why the seismic shift?

 

Confession time (and this might not be very palatable to some of you – sorry.  I’m afraid I didn’t become a priest because I was in love with Jesus or because I thought the Church was the best thing since sliced bread.  During formation I wished again and again that it would be.  I didn’t dislike Jesus or the Church (“Phew!” I hear you say) but I couldn’t get really worked up about them.  Ultimately, I became a priest because I know that I would never have deep, lasting inner peace unless I did.  And mercifully, those to whom I confided this ‘dirty secret’ could cope with it and were happy for me to go forward.  Since then, over many mountains and through many dark valleys, I have come to recognise my deep need for God in my life; God after all was the One who gave me this great desire for peace and, in the end, God is the only One who can fulfil that desire and reveal my true identity in His sight.

 

Prayer therefore –my relationship with God -  is not just an important part of my life, it is my life.  I find it very exciting because it’s revealing the real me to me and others, slowly but surely.

 

The eagerness and excitement and new-found freedom that characterises youth, has characterised my life since my ordination.  That’s why I think it’s vitally important that the young have access to a priest who can be honest and frank with them whilst at the same time building up their confidence to go searching for that deep peace themselves.  The crux of the matter is not ‘what I can do’ for them but ‘who I am’ for them.  My work as a curate and here at the Grange has convinced me of the deep spirituality that we all have in the early stages of our lives but which so easily gets drowned as we immerse ourselves more and more in the secular world.  The priest should jump into that world with the young and be there for them as they find their way.  I have had the privilege of doing this with quite a few young people who have remained loyal and treasured friends as they’ve emerged into adulthood. 

 

I’m afraid I could not recommend this life to any of you unless you are absolutely committed to going deeper and deeper into your own selves to find your true identity in Christ.  That doesn’t mean to say you have to have that stitched up before you become a priest but you do have to want to know who you really are.  It’s not politic to say it, but yes, you do need to leave the world behind: by that I mean the shallow fickle world of the instant fix in all its forms, the false world that seems so real.   You must dare to live a real life in the real human world (in all its pain and joy), the one into which God has deigned to be immersed.  I think there is a great willingness to do this amongst many young men, it’s just that first step that is all important: to ask the questions “Am I prepared to take my life seriously?  Do I want to really know who I am, not in the eyes of others but in the eyes of Christ?”  If the answer to either of the above is ‘yes’, call/e-mail me.  But most of all…

 

DO NOT BE AFRAID

Jesus and Others, including God, in the Bible.

Fr Simon                                                                                March 2008